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My thoughts and feelings!

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Writer's Block: Change is good
If you could change one major thing about your life, whether a relationship, your job, your living situation, your school, etc., what would it be? Are you currently working toward a serious life transition?

That would be a really tough one for me. I am currently wanting to change so many things in my life that it would be really hard for me to choose just one of them to change. My relationship status I would like to change. I am just not exactly sure where that would take me if I changed it. Truthfully, even if I changed it I don't think it would change the way things are right now. Aside from the label of being "together" as opposed to not.

Deep down I would love to change my living situation. Yet at the same time I am okay with what I have now. I live with my mom, because I can't make it on my own. I hate the idea of being 24 with two kids of my own and yet I still live with my mom. I think that in a lot of ways it would be easier on me and my children if I was in my own place, as far as things being constant. Doing things my own way and not the way my mom does them would be a lot better too. I would feel bad if I left my mom though. She hasn't been in the best of health lately and even though I know the financial burden of 3 extra people doesn't help her, I know that having her grandbabies there helps her to make it through the days. So that really is a tough one. If I could change that one, I would get my own place but I would make sure that it wasn't too far away. In a place where I could see her whenever I wanted and not have things like time or amount of gas be an issue.

School is one thing I really do want to change, I never finished high school and I would like to either get my diploma online or get my GED. I have things that I want to do in my future and they require furthering my education. I am slowly working towards that one though. I really just need a few people that are going to kick me in the ass and get me going. I am not really motivated to do a lot of the things I need to. That makes it hard. It's like, I want to do it, and I know that I need to do it but I can't just jump in.

I would love to change the job area of my life. Currently I am in a jobs program where I get less then minimum wage to work a part time job that kicks my butt everyday. I don't mind being here and doing the work, it's just that I would like to be able to work a real job and get real pay for it. If I was getting paid at least minimum wage to be here, I wouldn't mind coming in everyday. I actually like being here. That is a wierd thing coming from me, because I have never worked before and I have always been the type of person who does anything I can to get out of doing stuff.

I know that if I changed the schooling aspect of my life it would really help out with the job part. I try to rationalize that if I could change my relationship that I would be more motivated to do some of the other changes on my own. See, so it is really hard to decide which would be the better one to change if I could.

Right now in my life, I am currently trying to change everything besides my living situation. I am not fully there yet but slowly I am getting my shit together so I can change my life and the direction that it is going.


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